On Heavydentialism

Posted January 16, 2007

Dear Rodney Trotter/Nicholas 'Don't Call Me Nicky!' Mauss,

Thank you for bringing to my attention the great work of St. Osiander of Osbourne, (who incidentally was widely known for celebrating the Lord's Day primarily at night, evening to morning, without candlelight, alongside his early Session brothers, Sts. Iommi, Butler, and Ward, creating a phenomenon known equally as the "Dark" or "Black" Sabbath).

However, I must object to his entitling of his pivotal work on 'heavydentialism', Summa Metallica. As any good rock apologist can tell you, when the great Danish apologist Lars Ulrich von Gentofte came together with Sir James Hetfield, they had a great deal to say, both rhythmically AND melodically about the topic of rock. They were yet to write some of their pivotal works, however, as the real wonder of wonders happened when the formally educated Bach afficionado, Clifford Burton joined the group. The Scottish rock apologist Kirk of Hammett added even more to their sound with his very rhythmic musings. While Summa Metallica is surely correct in that volume played a large part in these great contributors to rock apologetics, when one discovers that the volume knob also turns to the left, one can be treated to a wonderful mix of music...provided one is listening before the musical liberalism of the 90's and beyond set in with the immature scribblings of Jason Newsted.

-Chris D.