Digby Done It First!

While the evangelical world is no doubt gasping in horror at the expose that the mass baptisms at Elevation Church have been engineered (who could have seen that one coming?) in a way that would leave Charles Finney drooling at the anxious bench, it is worth remembering that us paedobaptists are in on the game too.  My friend and seeker-sensitive megachurch reformed man, the Rev. Digby St.John-Crimond, of the Re:Tribution (formerly St Olaf the Sublime), used to build his brand loyalty and pull off his part in God's miracle by planting 15 or 20 young, energetic couples in the congregation, armed with realistic plastic toy dolls.  At the key moment, he would call out for those who wanted to come forward and the plants would make their move.  After Digby baptized the dolls, the couples would be pushed towards the video crew who would mine them for great stories.  Sadly, it all went wrong one day when, after an incredible revival moment when Digby had baptized 27 dolls, his hands got wet, he dropped one on the floor, it bounced and the robotic voice jammed in repeating 'Mama mama mama' over and over again. The game, as they say, was up.

Except it wasn't.  Thankfully, being shown to be a complete fraud did not affect Digby's ministry one little bit.  He declared that 'mistakes had been made,' the money keeps rolling in to this day, his books get polite reviews on orthodox websites, and he is still sneakily admired as the greatest visionary for God out there.  After all, he tells a lot of people about Jesus.

Lookie here: I feel a revival coming on!

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