A Wonderful Knowledge

What a week! I haven’t been sick in years, and of course I have to get some mystery illness. I was convinced I had the flu, and that I was getting better. Turns out, no matter how hard you try, you can’t will yourself to get better (I know, there’s a huge spiritual analogy there). After having this fever for a whole week, my husband wouldn’t allow me another day without seeing a doctor. Being a Sunday, it was off to Urgent Care! The doctor there seemed pretty good. But he wasn’t sure what was wrong with me either. Although I had flu-like symptoms, he said it was unlikely for me to have a fever for a whole week with the flu. My flu test came back negative. Although my lungs sounded okay, he said I could still have walking pneumonia, or something else…basically he gave me a prescription for z-pack and we hoped for the best. But there’s been something else gnawing at me through all this. Aren’t times of struggle typically those occasions when you find yourself drawing closer to the Lord? I don’t really want to label this week a time of suffering, because it hasn’t been that bad, but even so, I was expecting my prayer life to strengthen. Instead, I have found myself to be quite numb. My brain seems to be blah. My prayers have been short and lacking in passion. I’m just tired.   This was really bothering me so I turned to one of my favorite Psalms for some comfort, Psalm 139. Before falling asleep last night, I meditated on the first six verses:
O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it all together. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.
It was such an encouragement for me to be reminded of how the Lord intimately knows us. I may be feeling dull and passionless, but his love for me never wavers. The doctor may not know what is wrong with me, but the Lord knows every part of me. And he is always watching over us. Isn’t that wonderful news? In my sleep, God is caring for me. My thoughts are so clouded right now, but my Creator and Redeemer has a personal, thorough knowledge of their whole evolution. I was feeling unsettled because my thoughts seemed so fruitless. But this Psalm filled my soul with a knowledge that is too wonderful for me.