Tying the Knot Tighter: Because Marriage Lasts a Lifetime

Once again, author and biblical counselor Martha Peace (along with pastor John Crotts) has delivered up a resource that is worth close examination, this time for Christian couples. Tying the Knot Tighter: Because Marriage Lasts a Lifetime could be useful in a variety of settings. The authors suggest a weekend away to once again review the basics of marriage. Used in conjunction with additional materials, this book could be included in pre-marital counseling, though many of the questions offered for discussion depend upon the experience of marriage itself in order to be answerable or helpful. An older couple mentoring a younger couple might find it very helpful.

Don't be fooled by the brevity of either the book or the chapters themselves. In the introduction the authors warn against racing through the short book, rather "pleasing the Lord" should be the aim of the reader. The authors take the reader through nineteen areas of marriage incorporating Biblical teaching, probing questions, and additional resources pertaining to each topic. These nineteen areas of marriage are grouped under the larger headings of Basics, Roles and Responsibilities.

"Basics" moves first from a personal relationship with Christ, to developing consistent bible reading, through becoming a person of prayer.

"A desire for and love for the Lord are paramount for husband and wife if they are going to have a marriage that glorifies God. If they do not love the Lord, then they cannot love each other as God intends. What about you and your marriage?"

"The importance of Bible reading cannot be overstated, for all Scriptures were given for our instruction and are profitable to teach as well as reprove us....Since growing in the knowledge of our Lord is a command, reading the Bible should be a priority and regular discipline in the life of every husband and wife. What about you?"

"An example to pray about is pride. (If you doubt this applies to you, you probably need extra help!)"

Also addressed is membership in the local church within the context of marriage:

"You were never meant to grow as a Christian all alone. Nor were you intended to mature as a Christian couple in isolation...You and your household will find incredible personal blessings through your participation in God's household."

An interesting and oft-neglected subject is that of growing together spiritually as a couple:

"Too many couples do their spiritual growing in isolation from each other. Take time to check in on each other. What is your husband reading in his Bible lately? Who is your wife meeting for spiritual encouragement? How can you fulfill your family roles as leader or helper if you don't share your spiritual life with each other?"

Let's just say there is no pussyfooting around. The authors are up front and straightforward in both instruction and question which is especially evident in the longer, middle section addressing roles in the family.

"The bible says that husbands are to lead their families." There you have it! While the authors don't hold back when it comes to sharing biblical truth, they tactfully and logically move through explanations of the scripture's teaching. For example, in the chapter entitled "Loving Leadership" Jesus is presented as the model of love, completely giving his life on the cross to meet the need of his people for atonement for their sins. In the same way, husbands are called to lead by serving the deepest biblical need of their wife. The opposite of love is not hatred, but selfishness and any abdication of leadership is "wimping out." Wives are sure to smile and husbands to shake their heads as they read that men will spend a lifetime studying their wives in an attempt to understand what makes them tick.

As could be expected, neither party is let off the hook by these authors. This particular discussion of marriage appropriately includes a wife's love and respect for her husband as well as the more easily ignored subject of submission.

"Both husband and wife are to know their roles and live them out under the overriding authority of the Lord. For the wife, that means she is to obey her husband in all things unless her husband asks her to sin."

Particularly beneficial for those who are young in the faith are definitions and descriptions of agape, philos and eros love along with admonitions to persevere in honoring God and His teachings when one's emotions would dictate otherwise. The frustrations and development of spiritual leadership in the home cry out for more attention and detail but are limited by the scope and format of the book.

In this day and age of personal pleasure, plenty, and prosperity the authors have hit the nail squarely on its head with their brief, but clear presentation of what it means to provide for a family and the danger in being "stuff-driven." This chapter could be nominated for "best in this book." Vote for Chapter 12!

"Lesson one is to be a hard worker...If you are between jobs, your job is to get a job.....Lesson two is to plan for the future...Lesson three is it's better to sacrifice stuff than your family."

But then Chapter 13 "The Wife Sets the Tone in the Home" takes a close second.

"The godly wife 'laughs at the time to come' and has 'the teaching of kindness...on her tongue'. Family members don't have to wonder, 'What kind of mood is Mama in?'"

How many young brides have been surprised to discover how very true that little plaque that says, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Touche, Peace and Crotts!

And they are not through yet. Onward to "Responsibilities," the final six chapters covering mutual accountability in communication, trials, conflict, money matters, sex and parenting. Maybe one more chapter could have been included to round the number up to twenty and to give some equal opportunity attention to in-laws and family expectations. Since leaving and cleaving is vital to the health of any marriage it is a bit surprising that the pressure of family is ignored.

The subject matter of this final section can be impetus for discussion of three strong points of Tying the Knot Tighter, discussion questions, additional resources, and prayer. If couples using this book seriously, thoughtfully, and honestly answered and discussed together the questions following each section (generally 8-10), the potential for growth, intimacy, and conflict resolution would be tremendously heightened.

"Do you love the Lord even above your family? If you do not have time to read your bible, do you have time to watch television? Do you pray? What would your spouse say are your or his or her areas of struggle? What are the prayer requests most near to your spouse's heart? What are some specific areas where you have made sacrifices because you love your wife (husband)? Do you bring up your husband's shortcomings to others? How is your productivity at work compared with what it ought to be? Do you pray about difficult circumstances together? Is it more important to you to glorify God or to be right?"

Trouble answering the questions? Areas exposed that need an overhaul? The authors have included in each section at least two and often times more additional resources focused on the subject at hand. From J.I. Packer's Knowing God to John MacArthur's Different by Design to Strengthening Your Marriage by Wayne Mack, Peace and Crotts have been faithful to point the way to help. That would be Help with a capital H. Each section concludes with a prayer that can be used as a starting point or guide for seeking help and hope in marriage. After all, apart from Him we can do nothing.

Focus on the title and the cover illustration after reading the book. Tying the Knot Tighter (emphasis on tighter!) with the accompanying shoelace in a stranglehold of a knot might raise an eyebrow and send the faint of heart scurrying for cover. But, fear not, one will soon be singing "Blest be the tie that binds..."