Soul Patches: a Defence of the Trueman Hypothesis

Some may remember that a few months back I argued that soul patches on ministers were a sign of pathetic middle aged men in the uncoolest and untrendiest calling on earth trying to pose as -- say it ain't so -- cool and trendy.  Well, a friend in Grand Rapids has challenged that thesis.
Indeed, he has drawn my attention to the fact that many Puritans too were soul patched -- John Bunyan, Thomas Watson -- the list goes on; and, in the present day, culminates in none other than Michael Haykin, the soul-patched Canadian whizz-kid of SBTS, and fellow admirer of Oliver Cromwell (may he be blessed forever!).

OK. So I need to nuance my theory.  Obviously, I would not want to put the likes of Bunyan and Watson and Michael Haykin in the same league as the saddo "style" merchants of trying-just-a-bit-too-hard metropresbyterianism.  What hath Puritan light to do with metro darkness?? Indeed, some people, like my pal Michael, are soul patched not because they are pitiful specimens of middle age angst and crises of identity but because they are in the advanced guard of the neo-Puritan revival.  I am prepared to concede that much.  But there's the rub -- when these sad soul patches are combined with clerical dog collars -- DOG COLLARS! -- priestly, pretentious rags which the Puritans would have despised, then it is clear that major elements of the soul patch revival cannot be part of the neo-Puritan revival.  No, it won't do -- soul patches on clerically collared prelates mean only one thing: sad middle aged embarrassment to his kids.    Time to grow up, boys.